Well, it's finally happened. Sony finally released a brilliant game for the PSP that has made me both shit and cum in my panties at the same time!!! Seriously, I haven't heard a fucking peep out of any gaming website or publication about how good this game is(Actually, looking at review scores, it did quite well - oops). To be honest, when the game was released I really wasn't looking, nor do I think I owned a PSP at the time. The more I play my PSP, the more I love that little bastard. Enough of all this jibber-jabber, on with the review.
If you are at all into Metal Gear Solid, Gears of War, or Contra, you really owe it to yourself to at least try Killzone for the PSP. It's a small chunk of each wrapped in a nice little package. Throwing you into action almost immediately (minus the standard tutorial that you just can't shake these days) , Killzone doesn't give any leeway. Not so much flooding the screen with bad dudes, but a couple that aren't going down with a bullet or two. One might get frustrated with the difficulty, but don't be discouraged, after about an hour into the game you'll feel right at home. Sure the auto-aim is a little wacky, but in a weird way it's kinda a part of what makes this game so great - if it locked onto the enemies every time, the game would be too easy, therefore less enjoyable. Controls are, for the most part, very good. Every button is used so be prepared for cramped hands and hooked fingers after about five minutes of play time.
The levels are pretty fantastic, you got your swamp, desert, jungle, snow and shit. Playing through the games four missions on normal difficulty, I was greeted by an ending that was about 4 seconds long..."uh, what happened to generic soldier fuck-nut that I was supposed to have saved at the end of this?" Well, I'm guessing that I was supposed to have chosen the hard difficulty to see the whole game.
I never play through a game again right after beating it...UNTIL NOW!!! I actually couldn't wait to start it again, and I'm enjoying the added difficulty. It's like I'm this super tough soldier dude (A 125 pound scrawny soldier dude that still wets the bed and cries at the sight of spiders) and I also can't wait to dive into the multiplayer mode, THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES I gave this game a 9.5 without even exploring every nook of what the game offers. Even if my PSP was to shoot diarrhea out the speakers into my mouth every time I tried to access the multiplayer mode, I still wouldn't change the score, I may even score it higher... that's pretty wicked-awesome!!!
Why not a perfect 10 for a game that supposedly has it all? Well the controls are a little wonky when auto-locking on an enemy when there are multiple enemies on the screen, and there are all sorts of upgrades to buy for the weapons you choose before each mission... but they're all locked... HOW THE CRAP DO I GET THESE THINGS?! Oh yeah, I forgot to talk about all the weapons, oh just go fucking buy the game already-you're looking at me as if I didn't suck the asshole of Sony with this review.
1.Earl used to work with me at GameStop, expect many MANY funny stories of 3-4 wasted years in retail.*Most of them are stories of dumb, ugly customers. And boy are there some doozies!
2.Earl is getting married at some point in the future?!
*One can only assume that Earl forgot to look at the name of our site, I mean c'mon dude it's games over girls...over!!!
3. Seriously, who would even bother getting married anyway?
*It all comes down to insecurity really. Look, nobody wants to die alone, but when you weigh the options of being able to beat-off every night, drink yourself stupid, fart, and shower at your own pace vs. losing half of your shit, WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING BRAINS? (I write this as I weep beside my cats alone. So very alone)
4.Earl is BLACK?!?!?!
*Ah yes, tis true. Sadly Earl was in a horrific accident at an oil refinery on his way to a Milky Way convention...at night. Some good will come out of this, the terms "Darky", "Spook", "Jig", "Spade", and "Jungle Bunny" can all be used freely in his presence and when talking about him - but not the N-word, we don't want to offend him or anything.
Welcome aboard Earl, I can't wait to get you down here for the podcast recording. Oh, and if the girl you are marrying is white, she better be one of those fat ugly white-trash girls that you blacks seem to like so much. If not, she better have a hot 12 year old sister for me to fondle....18, I meant 18.
*-Editors note
